Understanding Grief: A Guide to Navigating Loss and Healing

Common Types of Loss

Loss comes in many forms, and each can trigger grief reactions:

• Death-related losses: Family members, friends, colleagues, or beloved pets

• Relationship losses: Divorce, separation, friendship endings, or family estrangement

• Health-related losses: Serious diagnosis, disability, or losing independence

• Life transition losses: Retirement, children leaving home, moving, or career changes

• Ambiguous losses: When someone has dementia, goes missing, or becomes emotionally unavailable

​

The most persistent myth about grief is that it follows predictable "stages" in a linear fashion. Modern grief research tells us this simply isn't accurate.

Grief isn't a problem to be solved with a clear beginning, middle, and end—it's a natural process that unfolds differently for everyone. The grieving process involves learning to live with loss rather than "getting over" it.

You might experience intense sadness one day, anger the next, and moments of peace or joy in between. This emotional rollercoaster is completely normal.

Grief often comes in waves. You might feel you're coping well, only to be suddenly overwhelmed by emotion triggered by a song, smell, or anniversary. These waves don't mean you're moving backwards—they're simply how grief naturally unfolds over time.

Understanding typical grief reactions helps you recognise that what you're experiencing is normal, even when overwhelming.

Emotional Responses

• Profound sadness or unexplained tears

• Anger at the situation or even the person who died

• Guilt about things said or unsaid

• Relief (especially after prolonged illness)

• Emotional numbness or feeling "switched off"

• Anxiety about the future

• Yearning and searching behaviours

Physical Symptoms

• Persistent fatigue or exhaustion

• Sleep disturbances

• Appetite changes

• Headaches or muscle tension

• Weakened immune system

Mental and Behavioural Changes

• Difficulty concentrating or remembering

• Feeling confused or "in a fog"

• Social withdrawal or seeking more contact

• Avoiding reminders of loss—or deliberately seeking them

• Changes in daily routines

While grief can't be rushed, evidence-based strategies can support your wellbeing during this difficult time.

Look After Your Basic Needs

• Sleep: Maintain regular bedtimes, even if sleep is difficult

• Nutrition: Eat regular, nourishing meals even when appetite is poor

• Movement: Gentle exercise like walking helps manage physical symptoms

• Hydration: Keep up fluid intake—grief is physically draining

Express Your Emotions

• Journal to explore thoughts and feelings

• Talk with trusted friends or family about your loss

• Try creative outlets like art or music

• Allow yourself to cry—tears are healing

Stay Connected (But Set Boundaries)

• Maintain gentle contact with supportive people

• Communicate what you need—company or space

• Say no to overwhelming social obligations

• Accept practical help with tasks like cooking or cleaning

Create Meaning

• Develop rituals to honour what you've lost

• Create memory books or keepsake collections

• Support causes important to your loved one

• Establish new traditions that acknowledge loss while celebrating meaningful memories

Manage Overwhelming Moments

• Practice simple breathing exercises when emotions feel too intense

• Use grounding techniques—focus on your immediate surroundings

• Take breaks from grief when needed—moments of joy are allowed

Most grief, even when intense and prolonged, is normal. However, sometimes grief can become "complicated," significantly impacting daily life for extended periods.

You might benefit from additional support if experiencing:

• Persistent inability to accept the loss many months later

• Extreme avoidance of loss reminders

• Severe ongoing problems at work or in relationships

• Using substances to cope

• Thoughts of self-harm

Recognising these patterns doesn't mean you're "doing grief wrong"—it simply means extra support could help.

When supporting someone who's grieving, your presence often matters more than finding perfect words.

What helps:

• Listen without trying to "fix" their pain

• Offer practical support like meals or childcare

• Remember significant dates and check in regularly

• Allow them to talk about their loss as much or little as they want

What to avoid:

• Platitudes like "everything happens for a reason"

• Comparing their loss to others

• Telling them how they should feel or when to "move on"

• Avoiding them because you don't know what to say

Sometimes the most helpful response is simply: "I'm thinking of you" or "I'm here if you need anything."